The Jersey Shore Miami — If Snooki Was an Athlete…

The Situation Jersey Shore Miami

Hey T.O. -- Have we got a Situation?

So I got to thinking — this is a sports and entertainment blog, right? Why not combine the two? The Jersey Shore Miami provided obvious inspiration — the big conflicting personalties and the ripped bodies (minus “Snickers”) pushed me over the top. I mean, Paul Pierce calls himself “the Truth” and Allen Iverson is “the Answer.” Ring any bells? The best part about the Jersey Shore is that it no longer needs to be a guilty pleasure — it is now so mainstream and so well loved that nobody is denying it any longer (guess I have to keep my love for Merideth Brooks’ “I’m a bitch” to myself). Jersey Shore has blossomed into what all reality TV strives to be — a perfect blend of emotions and trashiness thrown together in one hour of brilliance. Here is the end result of all this brainstorming — my list of which athlete is most similar to each of The Jersey Shore Miami’s characters.

The Situation & Terrell Owens — Come on, this one is easy. Both of these guys would have a press conference in their front yard just to do shirtless push-ups. The toned bodies and cocky attitudes match up, and they both run their mouths too much. But at the end of the day, you just can’t defend against em’.

Terrell Owens sit-ups

Snooki & Glen “Big Baby” Davis — Both Snooki and Big Baby are both….well round and babyish. They both get overly emotional (just ask Kevin Garnett…he’s probably made them both cry), overly drunk, and dance horribly.

Sammi Sweetheart & Plaxico Burress — These two are very skinny, very “talented,” and at the end of the day both look like complete fools to the American public.

J-WoW & Serena Williams — This one is tough. These two could both beat the crap out of me. The both make loud noises when around balls. Yet I still sort of see the attraction? Maybe? All I know is if J-WoW saw Serena strolling down the beach she’d chase after her thinking she was one of her beloved “gorilla juice-heads.”

Pauli D & Tiger Woods — To me, this couldn’t be more obvious (and I couldn’t find many athletes with blowouts). Both of these guys do what they want when they want, bring their fans to their feet (Pauli as a DJ, Tiger as a golfer), and are reliable in the clutch. What more could you want?

Vinny & Albert Pujols — Silent and under-appreciated, these two are generally loved by all. And they both swing a big bat (as Snooki so eloquently told the world).

Angelina & A-Rod — This one is easy as well. Nobody cares about them, they should go back to where they came from, and they slap like little girls.

A-Rod slap

Ronnie & Rocky Balboa — These two are both stocky, jacked, stupid, and throw a mean right-hook. I picture Rocky drawling, “Yo Adriennnn!” then yelling at her and begging his way back into her arms. Picture Ronnie saying, “Yo Sammmm,” and then doing the same.

What do you think?

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Filed under Player Comparisons, TV/Entertainment

21 responses to “The Jersey Shore Miami — If Snooki Was an Athlete…

  1. Teck

    Well done sir…love this column

    The comparisons are all right on

  2. Teck

    even when i wear yellow?

  3. Kevin Youkillis

    pretty good list there.. comparisons are all pretty much on point, and i love the snookie big baby comparison
    But it kinda suprised you didnt go with lebron james as the situation though..LBJ and the “The decision” press conference, referring to himself in third person, his knickname “the king” and finally taking his talents from the town that loved him to miami.

    i suppose you could compare Pauly D to dwane wade and vinny to chris bosh too.. Just M.V.P. taking their talents to south beach. but i liked your comparisons for them better anyway.

  4. Kevin Youkillis

    feel free to use it as your own

  5. j-bone

    i could compare the show to the red sox as well, in third place in the cable rankings with no real chance of catching up.

  6. j-bone

    the closer and camp rock 2: the final jam. I pissed my pants at work over your angelina one

  7. J-bone

    A lot more recent then I would care to admit

  8. j-bone

    yes the red sox are the most dominate team to call boston home

  9. This is an awesome piece. Snooki and Big baby are perfect together. What about Mo Vaughn and Snooks?

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