howiGit’s Las Vegas Vacation

Aria Las Vegas

As you may have noticed, howiGit’s blog has been quiet over the past few days — I went to Vegas for the first time, with our New York writer in tow. Luckily, we both survived and the blog will go on. Vegas….is…..wild.

While a few of my college buddies had been planning this Vegas trip for quite some time, I decided to pretend I was not going and then show up anyways. Good move on my part. Who doesn’t like surprises? The first great thing I realized about Vegas is the proximity of the airport to the strip — it makes getting there as well as leaving a breeze. You basically land right next to the strip. My first impression? Vegas looks pretty much as I pictured it in my head — tons of huge casinos, lights everywhere, strange castles and roller coasters all throughout the strip — it’s a lot to take in. We we’re staying at the Aria, a new hotel where Michael Jordan’s underage son recently stayed and tweeted about losing 35K gambling and drinking. Idiot. That being said, the place is awesome. While I’m sure there are lots of other great places to stay in Vegas, I see no reason to stay anywhere else. I will be returning.

The weekend did turn out to be very much like the Vegas portrayed in The Hangover. I gambled a lot, won some, but mostly lost. Everything is incredibly expensive, the gambling aside. I got a turkey club for $20, ordered a $10 lime from room service, and a bottle at a club was $500 or so. I’d recommend taking whatever your budget is and doubling it, and that’s if your not an obsessive gambling type. It was 100 degrees out but that made little difference whatsoever.

All in all, there is absolutely no point to Las Vegas besides having a great time. There is nothing there of any real use — it is just hedonism paradise. My guess is that about 93% of the world’s silicone breasts are in Vegas. I was surprised to find out that there are no open container laws in Vegas (I thought this was a New Orleans only deal) but everyone walks around drinking everywhere they go. You can bring your own drinks into casinos, bars, restaurants — it’s pretty nutty.

Everyone ended up very poor, very sore, and starved for sleep but had a great time. It’s the kind of place that I had a blast and was sad to leave, but I’m almost happy I don’t have enough money to go back too often. I’d fear for myself if I went there too much.

Las Vegas makes you feel terrible

A buddy of mine -- Vegas makes you feel like this.

As I waited in the airport for my flight home, my life in shambles, I wasn’t able to put together a full sentence. I literally couldn’t keep my eyes open, and feared that I might fall asleep and miss my flight. I managed to stay awake just long enough to walk onto the plane, where I was incredibly dismayed to find out my seat was sandwiched between two Mary J Blige look-alikes — plus 200 pounds each. These two women strangely enough didn’t seem to know each other, despite their matching wax-filled hairdo’s, bursting cleavage, and wildly painted toe-nails. They looked pretty pissed to see me, as I folded back their cellulite rolls and sandwiched myself into my seat. Pissed off, I tried to fall asleep immediately. Then a shocking new revelation struck me — Vegas seems to have given me a horrible case of restless leg syndrome. My 60-year old or so father suffers from this ailment. Is this a common Vegas side effect? I twitch and sleep like a sketchy bastard anyways, but this was absurd. I spent the next two hours sandwiched between the two monsters, sweating profusely, my leg twitching wildly and waking us all up every few minutes just as I was about to doze off. I wept like a little girl, and slept for a day when I got home.

Go to Vegas. You’ll have so much fun. But be prepared to pay for it — both with your bank account, and with your new-found restless leg syndrome disorder.

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10 responses to “howiGit’s Las Vegas Vacation

  1. j-bone

    I am still completly beat up, I need a week off to feel human

  2. Teck

    Yes this all is exactly my experience with Vegas…the plane ride home was one of the worst experiences of my life, in addition to all of the drinking that was hurting me i was also dealing with side effects of a possible concussion from falling off a stripper pole. To this day if i ever mention “plane ride home from Vegas” to my roommate it will put him on the verge of tears thinking bout that horrific experience

  3. Kevin Youkillis

    who is that clown in that picture? at least he has good taste.. Philadelphia and Miller lite on one shirt? pretty classy dude right there

  4. A. Rab Money

    i think im just getting back to normal today. yesterday i could not eat and my body felt like it was put through a meat grinder.

  5. J-bone

    With all the bitching we are doing this is becoming an annual thing

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