So yesterday I ripped on Eli Manning and the New York Giants a bit, as he was all bloody and one of our contributing New York writers has season tickets to the mediocrity happening every weekend at the new $1.7 Billion dollar Meadowland stadium. Now it’s time to take a look at my team — the New England Patriots.
I’ll start with some criticism of Tom Brady. Yes, I’ll say it again. I’ll start with some criticism of Tom Brady. I ripped on Eli, and at risk of being called a homer, I must be fair. I’ve decided to do this in a personal note to Tom, as I love him.
Boy, your eyes sparkle in the picture above. You are so photogenic. But please, Tom, cut that hair. You’ve never looked so soft. I know that Gizelle loves the triumvirate of your long locks, your dimples, and your butt cheeks — but that hair is not intimidating Ray Lewis. If I was a D-lineman, I’d want to rip your head off. So ditch the pretty boy look, get back to the grizzly-badass-stud look, and dominate once again. We all still love you.
Tom Brady aside, I’ll start with this — despite the newly retooled Jets and Dolphins, the Patriots will once again win the AFC East. That being said, I don’t think they will be able to contend with the elite teams in the league. Their Super Bowl chances look very slim.
As usual, I think the Patriots offense will be fine. The air attack still consists of Tom Brady, arguably the best slot receiver in the league (Wes Welker, knee-dependent), and arguably the best deep threat in the league (Randy Moss). It’ll certainly be interesting to see how our new tight ends play — Ron Gronkowski is supposedly a stud and has great size (6’6″, 264 lbs.) while Florida’s Aaron Hernandez has shown great potential despite a love of weed that rivals Ricky Williams’. The Patriots should use approximately 4-28 different running backs, all with mild effectiveness. The O-line isn’t great, but neither is the D-line. The pass defense should be pretty poor, as in past seasons. I’d look for the Patriots to go 10-6, something along those lines, then lose before the Super Bowl.
This is extremely unfortunate to me. The Patriots have an all-time coach, arguably two all-time receivers (it’s a bit early to call Welker that), and an all-time quarterback. These are extremely hard pieces of the puzzle to come by, let alone finding all of them at once. Yet by having the third lowest payroll in football, the Patriots seem to be throwing it all out the window. They are simply refusing to surround this core with the role players necessary to win another championship. I don’t know why, and it frustrates me.
Oh yea, and message to Bob Kraft. What are you thinking? Sign Brady all ready. Who cares what it takes?
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