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I’m Moving — To a New Planet (Gliese 581g, Duh)

New Planet Found

After finishing a particularly troublesome argument this morning, in which some people tried to favorably compare “elite” quarterback Eli Manning to Tom Brady, I decided I’d had enough. I can’t share a planet with the likes of Eli and A-Rod, no way. They don’t deserve to live in a galaxy with a being as supreme as myself. I’m tired of having them bring me down.

Just as these thoughts flashed across my mind, the heavens opened up — literally. Researchers have discovered a planet “next door” to our universe, where temperatures range between -25 degrees farenheit and 160 degrees farenheit — both perfect for water and life. The planet is named Gliese 581g and according to one researcher, the chances of life on this planet are 100%. The planet is 3 times the size of earth, and revolves around a dwarf star. Catch all of the details on this new planet here.

I’m loading up the trunk with some beer, and heading out tonight with Ken Griffey Jr, Cameron Diaz, and Glen Rice in tow. Who’s with me?

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